Happy new year and shit. I don't know if I posted at all during 2005, but I got a note from Allilee today, and it put me in the mood to write.

Well things and circumstances change, and so do people. I currently do not practice Islam, but smile whenever I see a Muslimah with her children on the street. I wear my hair out, but won't rock outfits to inspire male erection, so that part of my upbringing is very much a part of who I'll stay. Although I'm not too far from 22 years of age, I refuse to drink alcohol and I will not inhale anything stronger than charcoal incense. I still find myself waking up around 4:30 every morning, so I'll usually meditate...on my prayer rug. One morning, my mom caught me and essentially told me to stop fronting, which I found hilarious. And conflicting reasons, I am so annoyed with this shit here. Yeah, you don't want to be associated with someone who's presently viewed as the epitome of terrorism, I get it. No, really, I do...you're your own person with your own beliefs. But why must we get naked for GQ, boo? And now we're just reachin'.

Survey says? DOWNGRADE! I hate when people do all this extra shit to make a point. Say what you mean and stick by it. Damn. But, it is Wafah Dufour's life, and if that's what she wants to do, who am I to sit and judge her? What if taking those photos is something she's wanted to do for a long time? And that's what my gripe about living in an Islamic household/community was all about. Whenever I wanted/want ('cause I'm still at home) to do something slightly individual, it's:

• "Are you gay?"
  
• "What's wrong with you?!"
  
• "Allah will not bless you."
  
• "You are getting too caught up."
  
• insert any name, preferably Arabic, here:"______'s not doing that."
  

Spirituality is, for me, very personal. Since I was raised in the Islamic faith, that's what I'm basing my perspective on. But I do know that I don't care for anything else. I believe in God, so I couldn't be atheist. But I do not like the word "religion" because the connotation of it is very man-made. Islam or whatever you choose to believe in is a way of life, not something done on the weekends, or during the infamous fourth-quarter (whoever works in retail or is business-savvy knows what I'm saying). Do you know that on Thanksgiving day, I was on Craig's List like a damn drug fiend looking for places to volunteer. The point is, on November 25th I honestly don't know if I cared about homeless people or battered mothers enough to continue volunteering. You see how awful that sounds? I can't let the status quo dictate to me when I should be a pillar of faith or do good works when in actuality, in order for me to feel completely fulfilled, that should be something I'm always doing. The quest for peace and enlightenment is constant. Spirituality is not something to be seen of men. The minute that I'm doing it for me will be the day I can say, "Yes, I am a Muslim," and mean it with every fiber of my being. I'm rebellious and quite self-centered, and those are two very detrimental traits that I'm trying to squash.

Moving along, my mom, sister, brother-in-law and I saw The Color Purple on Broadway. We decided to go on Christmas Eve, and the place was pretty full. We got there late as all hell (but not because of CP Time--never that. My sister's rental car ran out of gas--on the friggin' highway) but still managed to catch half of the first act and all of the second. If you live in the New York Tri-State area, or will be visiting sometime before September, see this show! [gaymode]It made me laugh, it made me cry, I got up and even danced in the aisle, it was so sick!! I truly loved it!! LaChanze was brilliant as Celie, but Elisabeth Withers-Mendes (Shug Avery) was a real standout. And she has this amazing, booming voice. It was totally awesome.[/gaymode] I was born and raised in NYC, and this was the very first Broadway show that I've seen ever. It's kinda sad, but you don't think anything of it when you see it all the time. To New Yorkers, going to the attractions of the city is "tourist shit", and some of you who live in large cities can identify/laugh. But tell me why I was standing in the middle of the street taking photos like I was from Boonsville, Nowhere? Pathetic!!

sighs Well, after a couple of years of growing out my hair (currently brastrap length), I'll have to cut it. I had it natural for a couple of years but in November, I decided that I wanted my kinky curls to be a little more defined and shiny as opposed to frizzy and sheen-y. (Shiny hair reflects light, hair with sheen just sparkles.) So I effed up royally and bought somn damn S-Curl texturizer (damn, damn, damn, y'all), and applied it to my hair while watching America's Next Top Model. Stupid! While I had a good technique (for long/thick hair: parting your hair in fours, and applying the crap to each section individually to have a more uniform outcome), I left that shit on too long on my front sections. So now my hair's on some Gemini shit: loose waves in the front and corkscrew curls in the back.

AAAHHHH! Vanity kills, people. Vanity kills.

Whoever has the warmest smile wins!-March 24, 2006

Prayer Works!-February 21, 2006

Life gloss-January 31, 2006

Worn down Ny-Lon-January 29, 2006

The Here and Now-January 21, 2006